Those Who Go, Those Who Let Go

Photo by Matthew Hennessey at Mt. Rainier National Park, Washington

It’s the third time in two months being dropped off at the Austin airport, quickly sending my love and scurrying through the clustered security checkpoint. After making it through the technical procedures to board the plane, I calmly settle into my allotted seat, which usually ends up being the cheaper middle seats. With one final exhale, the worry of being on-time and packing correctly and efficiently fades away, there is no way but forward from here.

In the ironic stillness of this airborne seat, my mind has time to catch up with the perpetual movement of my body. Each time, I take notice of who, where and what I am leaving behind. Then I think about where I am going, what I am doing, but most notably, why.

This trip is longer than the ones before. There will be new people on the other side, but for the most part, I am the only piece of home travelling on this journey.

Newport, Oregon

Leaving is a comfort of mine that I have learned to discover is a discomfort for the ones who love me. There is a tattoo on my right ankle that says “Let go...” Something my best friend and I chose to permanently imprint on our bodies the summer before moving away for college. We both attached our own meanings, mine was a personal cry in a desperate search for individual identity.

This deep search for independence has been a motive for extreme behaviors throughout my life. But recent adult years have been a challenging but necessary aim towards homeostasis, learning contentment while honoring individuality.

So as I sit on this plane, headed to one of the most northwestern points of the United States, I tremble in excitement for what is to come, while acknowledging the extension of sacrificial freedom my significant other provides.

A couple of of days from now, I will be on my bike carrying two panniers filled with camping gear, a few articles of clothing, food and everything else needed to travel from city to city. Leading bike tours encompasses many personal values that I believe make up my unique personhood. Exploring, teaching, discovering, experiencing, moving forward and being- outside, alive and free from the normalcy of life. There is a fullness of life found in the “leaving,” and in the delicate moment we have on this world, I am unwilling to pass on the rare opportunities to go.

But in my going, is someone letting go. Temporarily letting go of partnership, letting go of control and possession, letting go of personal desire to be physically close to your loved one. Letting go is not easy... but for the one receiving it, it can feel like the most tangible experience of love.

Photo in Mt. Rainier National Park, Washington