Their Need, Our Need-to-Fix

Kigali, Rwanda

While in the process of brainstorming ways to partner with our friend, David, in his efforts to grow and develop the school, Kingdom Gate, and the community he serves, Busanza, it became important to understand more of where these children come from. A woman named Rachel, allowed us to come into her home as she and her husband openly shared their story and struggles.

We had recently become acquainted with Rachel from a Savings Plan Meeting, a collaborative effort to collect and save money for future business and community-minded initiatives. She and her three children and husband greeted us outside their home. Our attention was gripped immediately by the middle child, as we reached down to shake her hand, she pulled it away and our eyes caught the blatantly broken right wrist. That became our first topic of concern, asking if there was a way to get that fixed. Fortunately, a recent generous visitor gifted the family with a year's coverage of health insurance. However, they were waiting for the insurance to kick-in, so in the meantime, this child needed to wait it out.

The father in this family opened up about difficult challenges within their marriage, and the burden of intimately wanting to be with his wife, but the physical incapacity to take care of another child. With birth control not available and not necessarily culturally practiced, continuous pregnancy can present problems in impoverished communities. Discrepancies in the past regarding this issue has caused turmoil between this marriage that has nearly driven them apart.

In their situation, they need each other. And their children need them. David has worked in counseling and reconciling this family through his ministry at Kingdom Gate, and they have continued to press on and work through their marriage for the betterment of their family.

In many home environments like Rachel's family, the children become over-sexualized at an early age, being in such tight and open living quarters with families, or with single parents who have partners come into their bed. This can have an effect on children and present itself in children's behaviors at very young ages.

As an outsider, when I see a family living in a very minimally protected shelter, knowing there is next to no financial stability, my mind typically wonders how basic living needs like food, water, health and safety are met. But I don't usually think of the implications not having these needs met would be.

Missing these basic essentials can effect the mind-set, the emotional stability and the moral systems which can manipulate and dictate behavior for those involved.

I wrestled with my desire to want to instantly fix this family's situation. I am not sure if this is a natural human response or if my foreign understanding of poverty prevents me from honoring the process at hand.

I see a woman who is a part of a savings group, willingly and faithfully placing what little money she has into a community savings fund, meant to accumulate and help the community advance together. I see a man, who like anyone else inside a marriage, struggles to see eye to eye with his partner when it comes to getting needs met, but who chooses to work on the marriage and stay in it for the betterment of his families lives. I see parents, sending their children to school, giving them hope and opportunity.

My western view of what is an acceptable living condition and what is not is merely focused on a surface level understanding. Yes, I could go to the markets and supply this family with food, but that runs out. I could supply them clothes, but they eventually out-grow them or they get worn to pieces. I could rally up friends and help build a more solid structure of a home, which I am sure would be appreciated and helpful in the rainy seasons, but the buildings can become structurally unstable, and they may be left without the tools to reconstruct.

This family is already taking the steps to equip their physical, emotional and mental needs. They are building structures that are stronger foundations than a new home.

Yes, temporary gifts are great additions, but they aren't the only source. We, missionaries, philanthropists and humanitarians, come from our secure homes and biased understandings of considered ethical living conditions and put our band-aids on people's lives.

There is a mindset with this family in the picture above, they are willing to take the steps and go through the process to advance their family in a holistic manner. That takes time, and success will probably look different to success we are used to where we come from.

Every person is sacred. Every one has dignity. This family, as rough and harsh their circumstances may seem, is living in a dignified way. They are not burying themselves in poverty or accepting the label, they are making choices for a better future every day, and there is something very rich about this.