Both/And

San Antonio, Texas

The labyrinth in my skull tells me
the staggering thoughts,
thoughts I thought I had put to rest
still linger.
They stay like ragged pigment I should detest
but rather than die,
loosely teathered,
they choose to rest.

Screaming sensations remind me
of the stains
seeping into the fibers
of skin
wanting to wear me
Like clothes that define me

But a humbled heart,
trembling in the pyre of love's ashes
melt
embers into the bed I make my home
a bed full of secrets,
Secrets of desperate belonging
Hidden desires to be known.

Every night, tender intimacy
settles
​this restless soul
A submission to the knowing
burrowed beneath the bank of doubt

Alone,
I think I am not.
Perhaps,
I am learning to be
less willing
to ignore my humanness.

The one essential element
behoving
a Savior

Delivered
from the banes of self
as essential
as rejoicing in the liberation through veneration

It is the weak, raw, gentle
landscape of thought
engendered to
symbolize worthiness

The labyrinth in my skull tells me
the tripping thoughts
and flagrant devotion
though paradoxical
are holy in one

While the heart discovers
its lowest pit,
the soul reaches
​its noblest height.