The stillness can be numbing. Like you’re in a steady rut. The quarantine has been extended another 30 days, and it’s hard to think about what to do with all the stillness.

We couldn’t handle being confined to the home, we had to get out.

Having a map for the future is how I live. Without it, I struggle with the sad reality of life's stagnation. I need a pin, marking a future adventure, telling me that life will soon be better, and soon, I'll feel as if I am truly living.

Allergies have been kicking my ass lately- so, naturally, I wake up with a dry throat and earraches, wondering if I have the virus. 

Even though it was rainy and cool out, I was tired of being cooped up inside. I woke up, lit a propane fire underneath the awning cover and worked building a new garden box and installing the landscape lining underneath to keep weeds out.

Yesterday was Matt, my husband and my first day in full quarantine together. He's in his third year of medical school, and up until this week, has been working in rural clinics for his internal medicine rotation, but due to recommendations by American Medical Associations, all med students and residents were called to stay home, and not be exposed in medical facilities. In Italy, they have pushed fourth year medical students through the system and graduated them early. There is no sign of anything like that happening here, but the future is un-telling. 

​Ron Nirenberg, San Antonio mayor, announced the closure of all restaurants and bars after 25 confirmed cases of coronavirus were determined. The first thing I did this morning was call Jimmie Johns, as just last week I started working there as a bike deliverer, assuming delivery businesses would continue as restaurants closed, I saw it as a way to get me through the hump, assuming my restaurant would close. But, the manager at JJ's said to not come in until they figure out how to navigate through all of this. His specific words were, “We need to figure out what these closures mean for us.” Even though it seems delivery would be in demand, that specific JJ's serves the downtown area, who have mostly all gone home to work remotely. So they don’t even have business anymore. He told me he would keep my number for the future. I took that as goodbye.

Usually, I get to my serving job at 7:30 am and open the restaurant. Usually, the chef's have been there at least an hour, prepping for the day. I don’t have a key, so I rely on them to let me in. Today, I waited outside a dark restaurant, chairs on the tables, no cooks in the back.